The classics like no running with scissors, eating veggies, and bedtime are non-negotiable. But what about the unexpected rules? The ones that are so absurd they’re hilarious, fitting perfectly into our wild and unpredictable parenting journey.
Here are 17 Unexpectedly Hilarious Parenting Rules We Didn’t Realize We’d Need Until We Had Kids.
No Glitter Allowed Before 10 Am
It’s early; we’re all still waking up, and nobody needs a glitter storm first thing in the morning.
Avoid Using Markers on the Cat
As much as your aspiring artist wants to turn Fluffy into a living canvas, it’s best to provide them with paper instead.
Toys Don’t Need To Be Fed
As much as we appreciate the caring nature of your little one, let’s save the oatmeal for human consumption.
The Dog Is Not a Horse
Even if the family pet is of a more giant breed, it’s not designed to be ridden around the house.
The Fridge Is Not a Closet
Yes, it’s cool inside, but there are better places to store your toys or clothes.
Crayons Are Not a Food Group
Even though they’re non-toxic and come in fun, fruit-like colors, crayons should not be a part of your child’s diet.
No Playing Dentist With the Dog
The dog’s oral health is essential, but let’s leave the dental work to the professionals.
Toilet Paper Is Not for Mummification
Reenacting ancient Egyptian rituals is fun, but let’s try to preserve the TP supply.
Must Ask Before Using Mom’s Makeup
Even if they’re just practicing for their future as a beauty influencer, it’s best to get permission first.
No Washing Hands on the Toilet
Yes, it’s water. No, it’s not clean water.
No Eating Snow Directly off the Car
This is not a recommended treat despite its fluffy, ice cream-like texture.
Stuffed Animals Do Not Need Baths in the Dishwasher
They’re cute, cuddly, and not dishwasher-safe.
The Vacuum Cleaner Is Not a Pet
Despite the tempting long, flexible ‘tail’ and the loud ‘roar,’ the vacuum cleaner is a tool, not a pet.
No Climbing on the Refrigerator
Despite its tall, inviting shape, the fridge is an appliance meant for storing food, not scaling.
No Feeding Snacks to the Neighbor’s Cat
Even if they look sweet and fluffy from afar, it’s best to leave their meals up to their owners.
No Standing on Top of the Furniture
No matter how much they want an aerial view of their kingdom, jumping and standing on the table is off-limits.
No Eating Bugs
As much as your little explorer may want to take a bite out of a bug they found outside, remind them that insects are best observed and not ingested.
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